Growing & Molding

Happy holidays to all. I sit here in awe of the realization that I've hit a new decade in my life, but still feeling the same as I did ten years ago. From a college girl to a professional woman, the details of my life have been written deeper and more brightly than I had imagined they would. I have seen other parts of the world, spoken the languages, learned the history via conversation with natives, and hopped from job to job for years. I find myself with my first real career in a new city, with new friends and new forward-thinking dreams. Where I was once un-ready to make life decisions, I find myself ready to step forward over the line toward a brighter, more intense future.

Yet despite all of this growth I am, at times, unable to separate myself from my tantrum-throwing five-year-old self when faced with family stresses and stabbing emotions. I love my family more than life itself and have seen it evolve greatly over the years since childhood. I had a conversation this weekend with S.M. regarding this topic, that as kids we thought our families were perfect. As we grew and our elders passed away, younger generations fought over money, family members relocated, and all other awareness-inspiring events occurred, we realized that perfection lies anywhere but within our families. There are fights, there are angry words spewed, there is suicide, there are days in court, there are countless deaths of loved ones, and there is distance created as emotions form opinions around all of these events. I have had incredible highs with the happiest of emotions and the deepest lows when the depressions of heartache set in.

I don't consider myself someone who takes life or the important people in my life for granted. Instead I aim to look to the skies every day, taking a deep-breath of Nature's freshest air molecules, and express my thanks for the wonderful life that I call my own.

As I sit here, I'm staring at the most interesting clay-inspired painting on my desktop (a photo I took of an oil on canvas in the Worcester Art Museum) and listening to thought-provoking electronic music (Mir by Ott). Snippets of human voices mixed with a solid bass, sounds of Nature, and funky beats drive my thought processes.

I was overcome by emotions during the holiday weekend and found myself living through every one of them, at times not being able to control the words coming out of my mouth as I expressed myself. I am forever thankful that M&D don't judge me too harshly and always see me as the good person that I am.... Thanks to them, it was a successful, quiet weekend full of reflection, fighting, and, most of all, love.