a turn for the worse

today is the first day that i realize death is within my own reach. my cousin mark has been battling cancer for a while now...diagnosis, decisions, surgery, chemo. and a recent recurrence. he was having a great time in L.A., working hard through grad school, indulging in his passion for films...how could he not, living next door to hollywood! all the while battling cancer.

mark moved back to the east coast at the end of last year when he got sick again. in a way, he's lucky to have moved back home closer to his family...all of us (we have a big extended family). he struggled with the decision to get a job - was it worth it? how long was he going to be around? he joined a support group. i'm not sure what else he did to keep busy.

within the past week things got worse. he had trouble walking, dragging one leg. this led to a fall, a visit to the ER, and the realization that time is becoming ever-more precious. at brigham and women's hospital mark was told that there was nothing else they could do for him - the cancer has metastasized and taken over his body. not completely, but it wasn't stopping just because we might ask that it would, or that someone would pray for it to go away.

he's now staying in an excellent hospice care facility, even in his own suite. i believe he's lost function of one side of his body. we're going to see him today, spend as much time as possible with him. we're bringing brownies (he's a chocolate lover), flowers (a succulent that will survive the stuffy hospital-like atmosphere, doesn't require a lot of water) and chocolates from my brother's wedding - the ones with "Randy & Tina" written all over them. maybe some photos too, from my trip to L.A. last year. I saw Mark while I was there and we went to the Getty Museum, went out for lunch and just hung out. We had fun.

Today is going to be a bittersweet meeting, but I am looking forward to seeing a smile on Mark's face. Mark is in his late 30's.