Last Saturday's musings (incomplete post)

"Just give yourself some time to falter...everything will come around in time."

Reflecting. It's a cold Saturday morning here in the Woo and I've been re-awakened...my senses, my emotions, my sexuality, my intensity...they have all returned to me. This was a good week. I went out to dinner twice - sushi then Middle Eastern food - and rediscovered myself, my power, my "me". In retrospect, we always see the things that people have been pointing out to us all along, but never noticed in the moment. How hard it is to pull away from that moment, however intense and frightening it might be, and see ourselves from the outside. I try to do this often in my life, not every day, but as often as I can manage without tiring myself.

Since August, I have toiled over my losses and shortcomings, wondering if it was me, or if it was you. Was I not in peak performance? Was I unknowingly disappointing you? Could I have tried harder? You hurt me immensely and I was defenseless...I thought it was where I was supposed to be, it was my destiny. When our lines of communication broke and we weren't reading the same book anymore, I didn't know how to get us back to square one. I don't think you did either. I changed. I felt differently about you. I still loved you and yearned for you - I still do now - but there are new things coming for me.