I would like to share something very special with you. I had the honor to present my grandmother's eulogy at her funeral on Monday the 15th December. When I first approached the lectern, I was unsure of my presence, of my confidence. But once I began reading and saw the glowing faces of my family and friends in the congregation, I knew I had a purpose. Every memory, every story that you will read below brought various emotions to me and those present at the funeral. My grandmother was one of the most incredible women I have ever met. I will always remember that I am blessed to have known her for so long, and that she was strong-bodied and sharp-witted enough to reach her 89th birthday before finally giving in to her fate. I hope after reading this eulogy you will take a piece of my grandmother's spirit away with you and share it with others. It was her beautiful spirit that we all loved so much about her....
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Thank you all for coming here today to help remember and celebrate the life of Alma Margaret Cocito Bonito, a woman full of grace.
Grandma was a woman of conviction. She was faithful, honest, selfless, loving and patient. She had a passion for life, her Catholic faith and most importantly, her family and friends.
Grandma was a long-time congregant of Saint Mary the Morning Star Parish. Many will remember her involvement with Saint Mary’s Bazaar, preparing dough for the fried dough booth with her family and friends. She prayed at home and hung a crucifix over her headboard, a sign of her undying faith.
In addition to the church, Grandma was a member of the Dalton American Legion Auxiliary, the Association of Marion Helpers, the Ralph J. Froio Senior Center, the Portuguese American Club and the Greylock Federal Credit Union Quality Time Club. She donated to many non-profit organizations, including the VFW and showed her support by hanging the Buddy Poppy in her car.
In life, Grandma proved to be a woman dedicated to her work. After high school she worked at W.T. Grant retail store, then for Pittsfield Novelty, assembling purses. Along with her daughter Linda, daughter-in-law Linda and the Tucker girls, Grandma catered with Millie Bernardo at Temple Anshe Amunim and other locations. At the temple, she developed relationships with the congregants, some of whom are very close to our family today. For over twenty years, Grandma worked at S&J Variety, where she made the greatest impact on people’s lives. To this day, folks still praise her sweet demeanor and positive attitude in the workplace. My sister Stacie worked with Grandma at S&J Variety, learning and adopting her strong work ethics, while still taking the time to ask customers and friends about their lives and their families.
Family life was Grandma’s priority. She took great pride in watching her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren grow and blossom into beautiful human beings. As a young woman, she lived with her parents and sister, then with her husband Albert and his parents. After that, she and Grandpa lived with their daughter Linda and son-in-law Francis. Her sister Elsie and her family only lived a driveway away. After Zia Elsie passed away, Grandma became the matriarch of the family, adopting her nephews and their families as her own. She became the “go-to” woman for the entire Bonito and Lucaroni families.
Grandma’s door was always open and unlocked, announcing one’s presence with the ring of a bell. She was usually home and available when we needed her most. If ever there was a loose seam, Grandma was ready with a needle and thread to fix it. If we were sick and feverish, she was prepared with a cool washcloth and a loving smile. If there was an empty stomach, she would offer a sandwich; and if it were near to the holidays, a slice of her fresh-baked apple pie or Vauvau’s picadu (meat stuffing). She drove the kids to their sporting events and then stayed to cheer them on. She almost never missed a choral event, theatrical production or graduation for one of the kids.
All of this applies to her friendships as well. She was deeply connected with her friends, visiting them in her free time, writing letters and making phone calls. She was up-to-date on everyone’s lives, yet never gossiped.
Keeping a calendar of events was very important to Grandma Alma. She was timely and generous when it came to birthdays, anniversaries and other special events. Grandma sent greeting cards to all of her loved ones and long-time friends, no matter where they lived…and she was rarely late. Almost every card arrived a few days early or exactly on the day of the given event.
In her free time, Grandma kept up with the local news or watched the Red Sox play on television. When Grandma and Grandpa were younger, they took the train to New York City to watch the Red Sox beat the Yankees...or so that’s how I imagine it. In her later years, Gram would sit and talk for hours about the Red Sox if you so desired.
Besides her treks to New York City, Grandma loved visiting Cape Cod. She traveled with family and close friends: with her parents-in-law, husband Albert, three children, many cousins, Alice and Bob, Dick and Mary Pierce, Dilinda and Albert Tavares; and they would visit their cousins the Geoffreans, who had a house down at the Cape. After Grandpa died, Grandma continued visiting the Cape with her girlfriend Alice for girls’ weeks at the shore. Her other favorite beachside destination was Florida, spending time with the Motlins, Alice and Bob, her daughter Linda and son-in-law Francis, and various other friends. But Gram didn’t like to fly, so she traveled via car train with Grandpa. In her retired years, Gram went on senior bus trips with her friends to the theatre and the casino.
Despite her never-ending care for her loved ones, Grandma took excellent care of herself and her health. She had the softest skin in the world, due to her daily application of Avon products. She got her hair done every Friday at Joseph on the Mall. She ate balanced meals and avoided junk food. Grandma took the time to visit her deceased family members at the cemetery, watering flowers and maintaining the grave sites.
I’d like to share with you some of our fondest memories of Grandma Alma. Most of them occurred at her home on New Hampshire Avenue, our safe haven, full of love. On warm summer days she could be seen leaning out the back window, hanging wet clothes on the line. We might find her kneeling in the garden pulling weeds or gathering fresh tomatoes for sauce. In the fall, Gram would grab her broom and a smile and sweep the leaves from the sidewalk. She took great care of the aging pear tree in the yard that was born before she was. Every visit to her kitchen meant peeking in the cookie drawer...which was always full to the brim. On visits with Mr. Maxwell she played her lottery and scratch tickets, but never formed a habit. Walking through the house, you can still find hundreds of bells that were collected by and for her over the years.
** Here, my family and I rang some of my grandmother's bells that we brought to the church with us **
There is an Eskimo proverb that states: "Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." Tonight, may we all look up to the stars and know that Grandma has found her way home again.
22 December 2008
14 December 2008
P.S.
I got my acceptance letter to WSC yesterday - yay! I didn't have any doubts, but it's exciting nonetheless...like being 17 all over again and waiting for my college acceptance letters for the first time. YAHOO! Here I come Tomi - make room in the garage for my Golf and my Specialized!
Eulogizing...
I finished the eulogy and showed it to Father Mike today - he loved it. He even suggested we bring some of my grandma's bells (she has a collection of hundreds all over the house) to the church and have people ring them. I've already got a box set up to bring them along. I'll have to pass them out to family members the morning of the funeral and tell them to ring the bells at the end of my speech, they'll know when. I cried on the way home from the church, listening to some sappy country songs about love and loss (aren't they all?). I'm glad to be able to do the eulogy, though I know it won't be easy with her lying there in front of me in the casket. At least I know that she's in a better place.
We have heaps upon heaps of food coming to the house. Cold cuts, lasagna, brisket, fruit baskets and pastries. We'll be fat-layered up for the winter in no time. Too bad gram isn't around to join in, but she always loved sending us home with leftovers...so perhaps this is her way of feeding us from heaven?
I plan on copying the eulogy here in my blog, but not until after the funeral. It just wouldn't feel right. It would be like closing the front door before you've even walked outside for the mail. Once I've given my speech and shared all the wonderful things about Grandma with everyone, then I will share it here.
Cathi's bringing eight pizzas to gram's house today for lunch. Then at 4pm we have calling hours at the funeral home. I've gotta get myself washed up and ready for the afternoon. Ugh...I just feel like laying in bed watching a movie, or old episodes of Gray's Anatomy. Care to join?
We have heaps upon heaps of food coming to the house. Cold cuts, lasagna, brisket, fruit baskets and pastries. We'll be fat-layered up for the winter in no time. Too bad gram isn't around to join in, but she always loved sending us home with leftovers...so perhaps this is her way of feeding us from heaven?
I plan on copying the eulogy here in my blog, but not until after the funeral. It just wouldn't feel right. It would be like closing the front door before you've even walked outside for the mail. Once I've given my speech and shared all the wonderful things about Grandma with everyone, then I will share it here.
Cathi's bringing eight pizzas to gram's house today for lunch. Then at 4pm we have calling hours at the funeral home. I've gotta get myself washed up and ready for the afternoon. Ugh...I just feel like laying in bed watching a movie, or old episodes of Gray's Anatomy. Care to join?
12 December 2008
Every time a bell rings, an angel earns its wings
My grandma died on Wednesday night....
She's been having trouble breathing over the past few months and just recently returned from a one and a half week stay in the hospital, where she spent her 89th birthday. Mmm, mystery meat and Jell-O!
When she returned from the hospital she was quite needy, though still as strong as ever. Her vital signs were constant and strong. Her will to get things done was even stronger. The VNA came a few times a week to check on her and she started on some physical therapy. She was doing arm exercises with two 20 oz. cans of tomatoes and lung exercises with a little blue gadget that when she inhaled she had to make the little white ball hit the top. She excelled at all of her exercises, but was mostly living in her bedroom at this point, which was on the same floor of the house as the bathroom. It was too exhausting going up and down the stairs, she was stubborn and just didn't want to do it.
Thankfully, Gram came downstairs and spent Thanksgiving dinner with the family. She got to see her kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. She ate a full meal and then went back upstairs to rest. Long days like that were beginning to tire her out real good.
Two weeks after Thanksgiving, a few days before she died, she wavered in and out of lucidity. One minute she was sitting there "playing the lottery" (in reality, she was sitting at the table with her hands resting on top) and the next minute she was smiling and telling us about her life when our Vava and Voovoo (great-grandparents) were alive. It was then that I knew she was starting the decline, though I was determined to deny it.
Wednesday she stopped breathing in late afternoon and was taken to the ER according to her wishes to be resuscitated. She was on a respirator and drugs to bring up her blood pressure, but her pressure was going down as her body was fighting to go. When the decision was made to provide comfort measures, the respirator and drugs were removed, and gram started breathing on her own and her heart rate went up from 52 to 77 beats/min. The doctor's mouth was agape; he was amazed to see her breathing on her own and have improved vital signs. She fought on for another half hour as we coaxed her on, telling her that it was okay, we loved her and we were ready if she was. My sister and I stood at the end of the bed, rubbing her feet. Dad was caressing her hair and forehead. My aunts were holding her hand and arm. We all took turns saying our piece, telling her who was there with her, wishing her the best. Father Michael came and gave her the last rites, anointing her with holy water. My gram was a devout Catholic. She was ever so faithful to her God and her church.
Eventually, gram passed on and we stayed on longer in the ER, not wanting to leave her just yet. There was also a little confusion and mis-communication about when to leave. We thought we were waiting for the coroner to come pick her up and the coroner was waiting for us to leave. Hehe, it was a nice bit of humor to top the night off. It also gave us time to decompress and sit around talking about her before we left the hospital.
When we brought my aunt home, to the house she shared with grandma, my mom said that the house looked different. I didn't see it at first, but when I watched my aunt pull her car in the garage and walk around the car towards the yard, everything changed. My gram's car was no longer in it's place. Her hands would no longer touch the clothesline. Her neatly folded newspapers would no longer be waiting on her chair in the kitchen. She would never again poke her cute little face out the door and wave to me as I pulled out of the driveway.
All of the little things that my grandma did were incredible. She cared so deeply for her family and was the matriarch of our very large extended family. Even our friends were instantly enamored with her upon introduction. Her sweet, sweet smile could melt any frost. I will always be thankful that I had so many years with her on this earth. I only hope that someday we will meet again. And until that time, I know she'll be walking around Heaven with my grandfather...flitting around with her new angel wings.
I love you Grandma, thank you for giving me the world.
She's been having trouble breathing over the past few months and just recently returned from a one and a half week stay in the hospital, where she spent her 89th birthday. Mmm, mystery meat and Jell-O!When she returned from the hospital she was quite needy, though still as strong as ever. Her vital signs were constant and strong. Her will to get things done was even stronger. The VNA came a few times a week to check on her and she started on some physical therapy. She was doing arm exercises with two 20 oz. cans of tomatoes and lung exercises with a little blue gadget that when she inhaled she had to make the little white ball hit the top. She excelled at all of her exercises, but was mostly living in her bedroom at this point, which was on the same floor of the house as the bathroom. It was too exhausting going up and down the stairs, she was stubborn and just didn't want to do it.
Thankfully, Gram came downstairs and spent Thanksgiving dinner with the family. She got to see her kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. She ate a full meal and then went back upstairs to rest. Long days like that were beginning to tire her out real good.
Two weeks after Thanksgiving, a few days before she died, she wavered in and out of lucidity. One minute she was sitting there "playing the lottery" (in reality, she was sitting at the table with her hands resting on top) and the next minute she was smiling and telling us about her life when our Vava and Voovoo (great-grandparents) were alive. It was then that I knew she was starting the decline, though I was determined to deny it.
Wednesday she stopped breathing in late afternoon and was taken to the ER according to her wishes to be resuscitated. She was on a respirator and drugs to bring up her blood pressure, but her pressure was going down as her body was fighting to go. When the decision was made to provide comfort measures, the respirator and drugs were removed, and gram started breathing on her own and her heart rate went up from 52 to 77 beats/min. The doctor's mouth was agape; he was amazed to see her breathing on her own and have improved vital signs. She fought on for another half hour as we coaxed her on, telling her that it was okay, we loved her and we were ready if she was. My sister and I stood at the end of the bed, rubbing her feet. Dad was caressing her hair and forehead. My aunts were holding her hand and arm. We all took turns saying our piece, telling her who was there with her, wishing her the best. Father Michael came and gave her the last rites, anointing her with holy water. My gram was a devout Catholic. She was ever so faithful to her God and her church.
Eventually, gram passed on and we stayed on longer in the ER, not wanting to leave her just yet. There was also a little confusion and mis-communication about when to leave. We thought we were waiting for the coroner to come pick her up and the coroner was waiting for us to leave. Hehe, it was a nice bit of humor to top the night off. It also gave us time to decompress and sit around talking about her before we left the hospital.
When we brought my aunt home, to the house she shared with grandma, my mom said that the house looked different. I didn't see it at first, but when I watched my aunt pull her car in the garage and walk around the car towards the yard, everything changed. My gram's car was no longer in it's place. Her hands would no longer touch the clothesline. Her neatly folded newspapers would no longer be waiting on her chair in the kitchen. She would never again poke her cute little face out the door and wave to me as I pulled out of the driveway.
All of the little things that my grandma did were incredible. She cared so deeply for her family and was the matriarch of our very large extended family. Even our friends were instantly enamored with her upon introduction. Her sweet, sweet smile could melt any frost. I will always be thankful that I had so many years with her on this earth. I only hope that someday we will meet again. And until that time, I know she'll be walking around Heaven with my grandfather...flitting around with her new angel wings.
I love you Grandma, thank you for giving me the world.
03 December 2008
The things I remember...today, yesterday...since the day my life took that last turn.
Yesterday when I was babysitting, Maddie complimented me on my seashell earrings, salmon-colored zip-up hoodie sweatshirt and my Red Sox hat (hey, the kid's got good taste!). Let me remind you that she's 2.5 years old and already has a great sense of fashion. Yes, I just gloated about my style as well :)
Today I was reading customer reviews for the Therm-a-Rest ProLite 4 women's sleeping pad on the REI website. In one excerpt a customer wrote, "Other reviewers didn’t like the slipperiness of it. I’ve fixed this by putting a small piece of 'rug grip' under it. The 'grip' is multi use; which I won’t go into here..." and left it at that. It was my first experience with sexual connotations in the customer review section of an outdoor gear website :)
Yesterday at work, on my way to the timeclock to punch in, I walked past Kathy and Mary whose bottoms were at perfect angles to be smacked. So...I smacked 'em real good and real hard. Kathy let out a happy yelp while Mary had a look of horror on her face. Only today did Kathy inform me that Mary's "not really into that." Oh well, I'll have to find some other bottom to smack.
Two days ago, I picked up the NYC Ballet Workout DVD from the public library and am about to give it a try in my room. I told a friend about it and he said, "I'm pretty sure the ballerina workout includes anorexia and smoking cigarettes." So, I've decided to drive to the corner store for a pack of Marlboro reds and stare at my new groceries until they've gone moldy and I have to throw them away.
Actually, I realize how rude that sounds. I have friends who are or have been dancers, and I'd like to assure you that they neither smoked like fiends or ate nothing but air. Through the years they continued to look quite healthy. So, I tried out the ballet workout and it seems I have some practicing to do. My plies just aren't the same as they were when I was seven! For dinner I had a fabulous meal and no cigarettes...just like those wonderful ballerinas in my life :)
~~~~
Today I was looking through my calendar for the past year, since my breakup with Peter and move from RI back home....
I remember the racquetball tournament and visiting Vancouver in January. At the end of the month is when I got my beautiful new car!
In February I worked full time at BHO again and came up with those awesome nursing questionnaires.
Renee had her galbladder surgery in March, just a week after Jilly came back from Africa (YAY!).
April was uneventful other than handing in tax returns - JOY OF JOYS! - and house-sitting for Cheryl, fun!
May was my incredible vacation month: road-tripping through FL and seeing Peru for the first time...mi amor nuevo! Necesito regresar! It helps that I 'fell in love' while I was there...with the country, the culture, the foods, traditions and Carlitos del campo.
June started my relationship with Cristian, which led into a jam-packed waitressing month in July, topped off by the __th annual Bonito Bash! I haven't a clue how many I've had...anyone?
August was a strange month, brimming with hours upon hours of waitressing and a great camping trip. But it was overshadowed by mom's scare with melanoma and that clinical trial.
When September came, I finally sold my old Subie, sang in a jazz night at mom's temple, went on a semi-blind date, acted as an extra in a Hollywood film ('Taking Woodstock' - see it when it comes out, I'm the camp counselor near the motorcyles yelling for her campers to find their buddies in the traffic jam scene! Look for Bill too, he's the bearded hippie pretending to interview someone during the traffic jam) and went on a fabulous camping trip in Lake George. It was Renee for a day, Roger, Allen and me, communing with nature, fishing, flirting with the cute guy in the gear shop (that was all me) and flirting with the cute bartender at the local groggery (that would be the guys this time).
October was a slow month for work, but I spent a GREAT week in Colorado with Mike and Kate, Allie, Dave in Boulder, Gansett and my newfound airport buddy Pieter. I hope to make it back out there sometime...my one true love (of many) is waiting for me at La Rumba, ready to shake it down!
November was a big month - I celebrated my birthday (my favorite holiday!), Jason & Dana got married, Missy had a baby (welcome Mason!!!), gram spent a week in the hospital and I finally applied to go back to school!!! Here I come Worcester, haha....
This all brings me to today. I've started working for JB again for the holiday season and my baskets are gorgeous! It's only the beginning of December and I'm sure there will be many more adventures to write about. My recap on the year is early, so I can start reflecting and refocusing now for the new year, and not get get too distracted as the holiday chaos ensues. Changes are coming my friends, changes are coming!
Today I was reading customer reviews for the Therm-a-Rest ProLite 4 women's sleeping pad on the REI website. In one excerpt a customer wrote, "Other reviewers didn’t like the slipperiness of it. I’ve fixed this by putting a small piece of 'rug grip' under it. The 'grip' is multi use; which I won’t go into here..." and left it at that. It was my first experience with sexual connotations in the customer review section of an outdoor gear website :)
Yesterday at work, on my way to the timeclock to punch in, I walked past Kathy and Mary whose bottoms were at perfect angles to be smacked. So...I smacked 'em real good and real hard. Kathy let out a happy yelp while Mary had a look of horror on her face. Only today did Kathy inform me that Mary's "not really into that." Oh well, I'll have to find some other bottom to smack.
Two days ago, I picked up the NYC Ballet Workout DVD from the public library and am about to give it a try in my room. I told a friend about it and he said, "I'm pretty sure the ballerina workout includes anorexia and smoking cigarettes." So, I've decided to drive to the corner store for a pack of Marlboro reds and stare at my new groceries until they've gone moldy and I have to throw them away.
Actually, I realize how rude that sounds. I have friends who are or have been dancers, and I'd like to assure you that they neither smoked like fiends or ate nothing but air. Through the years they continued to look quite healthy. So, I tried out the ballet workout and it seems I have some practicing to do. My plies just aren't the same as they were when I was seven! For dinner I had a fabulous meal and no cigarettes...just like those wonderful ballerinas in my life :)
~~~~
Today I was looking through my calendar for the past year, since my breakup with Peter and move from RI back home....
I remember the racquetball tournament and visiting Vancouver in January. At the end of the month is when I got my beautiful new car!
In February I worked full time at BHO again and came up with those awesome nursing questionnaires.
Renee had her galbladder surgery in March, just a week after Jilly came back from Africa (YAY!).
April was uneventful other than handing in tax returns - JOY OF JOYS! - and house-sitting for Cheryl, fun!
May was my incredible vacation month: road-tripping through FL and seeing Peru for the first time...mi amor nuevo! Necesito regresar! It helps that I 'fell in love' while I was there...with the country, the culture, the foods, traditions and Carlitos del campo.
June started my relationship with Cristian, which led into a jam-packed waitressing month in July, topped off by the __th annual Bonito Bash! I haven't a clue how many I've had...anyone?
August was a strange month, brimming with hours upon hours of waitressing and a great camping trip. But it was overshadowed by mom's scare with melanoma and that clinical trial.
When September came, I finally sold my old Subie, sang in a jazz night at mom's temple, went on a semi-blind date, acted as an extra in a Hollywood film ('Taking Woodstock' - see it when it comes out, I'm the camp counselor near the motorcyles yelling for her campers to find their buddies in the traffic jam scene! Look for Bill too, he's the bearded hippie pretending to interview someone during the traffic jam) and went on a fabulous camping trip in Lake George. It was Renee for a day, Roger, Allen and me, communing with nature, fishing, flirting with the cute guy in the gear shop (that was all me) and flirting with the cute bartender at the local groggery (that would be the guys this time).
October was a slow month for work, but I spent a GREAT week in Colorado with Mike and Kate, Allie, Dave in Boulder, Gansett and my newfound airport buddy Pieter. I hope to make it back out there sometime...my one true love (of many) is waiting for me at La Rumba, ready to shake it down!
November was a big month - I celebrated my birthday (my favorite holiday!), Jason & Dana got married, Missy had a baby (welcome Mason!!!), gram spent a week in the hospital and I finally applied to go back to school!!! Here I come Worcester, haha....
This all brings me to today. I've started working for JB again for the holiday season and my baskets are gorgeous! It's only the beginning of December and I'm sure there will be many more adventures to write about. My recap on the year is early, so I can start reflecting and refocusing now for the new year, and not get get too distracted as the holiday chaos ensues. Changes are coming my friends, changes are coming!
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